Welcome to High School:
What to Expect of your Teenager during the High School Years
Dr. Mackenzi Leachman

Entering high school is an exciting time for you and your child.  The high school experience is full of changes and new experiences:  the number of students, number of classes, expectations, post-high school decisions, dating, etc.  This can be an exciting and overwhelming time for both students and parents.  It may be helpful for parents to be informed of the typical changes that occur during adolescence in order to better support their child.

Cognitive Changes

As your child develops, his/her ability to think, reason and learn change as well.  Most teens make large leaps in this area and begin to think about things that they can’t see or touch.  They develop the abilities to think through problems and think more abstractly.  This may influence your conversations with your teenager.  As he/she grows and develops, you may be discussing a variety of topics:  themes in a novel they read at school, solutions to math problems, etc.  In addition, your child may begin to teach you some new ideas.

These changes lead teenagers to consider who they are and who they may be.  This contributes to an important aspect of development during this time and that is identity formation.  Don’t be surprised if your child “tries on” different personalities.  This is typical.  In fact, adolescents who do not explore their identity may be at greater risk of developing psychological problems when they are adults.

Physical Changes

Teenagers do not all begin puberty at the same age.  The rate of growth and change varies among all kids.  As you look around at other 9th grade students, you will see a variety of shapes and sizes and this is normal. This is the period where student’s physical bodies vary the most and they look most different from their peers. 

Changes in physical appearance may bring about other changes.  Don’t be surprised if your student’s shower time suddenly increased from 15 minutes to 1 hour.  With these changes, concerns about body image and appearance develop.  Your student may start primping (both girls and boys) or worrying about how they look:  “I’m too short,” “I’m too tall,” “I’m too skinny,” or “I’m too pimply.”

In addition, the rate of physical growth can influence other scenarios in your student’s life.  Early bloomers may be pressured into adult situations before they are emotionally or mentally able to handle them.  Late bloomers may feel they can’t compete in sports.  No matter what time your student begins to bloom, the ways that friends, classmates, family and the world respond to those changes can have a lasting impact.  Also, many teens have an unrealistic view of themselves and need to be reassured that these differences are normal. 

Emotional Changes

Mood swings, sulking, need for privacy, and short tempers are headed your way.  Teens worry about the future because they are able to think ahead.  Some common topics that teens may worry about include:

• School performance

• Appearance and popularity

• Possible death of a parent

• Being bullied at school

• School violence

• Not having friends

• Drugs & drinking

• Hunger and poverty

• Nuclear bombs, terrorist attacks, war

• Divorce of their parents

• Dying

• Dating

Please do not confuse your teenager by minimizing his/her emotional reactions.  As adults, we sometimes make the mistake of telling our teens, “These are the best years of your life.”  However, when reviewing the list of common topics teens worry about, you can see and remember that this time can also be extremely stressful.  Teenagers may worry about personal qualities that no one else would notice, but they consider to be “defects.”  Teenagers may believe that they are the only one feeling this way and that, “No one else could possibly feel this way!”  Teenagers emotions may appear exaggerated and their actions inconsistent.  To an extent, this is normal with regard to their emotional development.  Some professionals suggest considering adolescence as a “second toddlerhood.”

What seems to make the situation more difficult is that in addition to changes in emotions, most teenagers change in how they express their emotions or feelings.  Although for the past 13 years, your child may have said, “Goodnight, I love you” before they went to bed, don’t be surprised to hear “Mom!  You didn’t even knock!  Turn off the light!”  It’s important to remember that what typically changes is the level of emotional expression towards friends, parents, and family—not the actual feeling.

This also is a time when teenagers withdraw from their traditional support network (family) and begin to look only toward their peer group for support.  Teenagers do not always confide in their parents about situations that may be stressful or dangerous.  Therefore, parents should talk to their teenagers about what is going on in their lives—even if your teenager refuses your efforts.

Behavior Changes

Some teenagers begin to engage in risky behaviors.  This may be in response to changing emotions and a need for excitement and fun.  It could also be a response to the need for peer acceptance or status in a group.  Risky behavior is also determined to be a form of modeling and attempting to engage in adult behaviors.  Risk taking behaviors in adolescents is “normal” and parents/teachers should provide guidance in decision making and encourage the teenager to choose less dangerous and more constructive activities.  For example, involvement in sports or extra-curricular activities may satisfy the urge for excitement and peer acceptance. 

Parents and schools should provide guidance and become comfortable talking with teenagers about decision-making in relation to sex, drugs and alcohol, conflict resolution, and violence.  Parents should not assume that how the school curriculum addresses these topics is all their teenager needs.  The following statistics from the Center for Disease Control (1999) put into perspective these risk-taking behaviors:

• 70% of high school students have tried cigarette smoking
• 81% of high school students have tried alcohol
• 33% of high school students reported having ridden with someone who has been drinking
• 47% of high school students have tried marijuana
• 17% of high school students have carried a weapon to school
• 36% of high school students have been in a physical fight
• 50% of high school students have had sexual intercourse
• 6% of high school students reported that they have either been pregnant, or were responsible for getting someone pregnant

Parents need to consider that despite the fact that American adolescents are no more sexually active than adolescents from other cultures, US teen pregnancy rates are still much higher than those of other nations.  In addition, encouraging adolescents to volunteer, take up a sport/hobby, become involved in the community, etc. can sometimes fulfill the needs provided by other unhealthy behaviors.

Signs of Problems

Most teenagers make it to adulthood unscathed.  However, other students have more difficulty.  If problems are not addressed, teenagers can develop serious drug/alcohol problems, eating disorders, or suffer from depression and other emotional problems.  If you do think your child may be experiencing these symptoms, contact your physician, guidance counselor or local mental health professional to intervene early.  The best intervention is early intervention.  Unfortunately, the following list creates risk for our students:

• Growing up in poverty
• Living in a single-parent home
• Being male
• Growing up in a neighborhood with few supports
• Lacking adequate adult supervision
• Having poor relationships with their parents or important adults
• Possessing low self-esteem
• Attending poor-quality schools
• Experiencing physical abuse, emotional abuse or neglect

Because teenagers experience mood swings, behavior changes often are not seen as problematic.  However, the following behaviors may be associated with alcohol or drug use:

• Withdrawn, depressed, tired, careless about personal grooming

• Hostile and uncooperative

• Has new friends (but does not talk about them)

• Doesn’t tell you where he/she is going

• Grades fall

• Lost interest in hobbies, sports, or other favorite activities

• Eating or sleeping patterns have changed

• Has trouble concentrating and seems forgetful

• Eyes are red-rimmed or nose is runny when he/she doesn’t have a cold

•  Household money may disappear

Eating disorders usually occur with females, but males may also develop an eating disorder.  The following behaviors may be associated with eating disorders:

• Loses a large amount of weight for no medical reason

• Reduces the amount of food eaten/stops eating certain foods

• Exercises excessively despite weakness and fatigue

•  Possesses an intense fear of gaining weight

•  Stops menstruating

• Binges on foods that are high in calories

• Tries to control weight by vomiting, using laxatives, or diuretics

Many factors contribute to serious depression and suicide.  Some parents/teachers believe that talking about suicide may cause suicide.  That is a myth.  It is important for adults to discuss resources and options for problem solving and that suicide is NEVER an option for solving problems.  Stress in a child’s life can lead to depression.  If a parent suffers from depression, a child is more likely to experience it as well.  Warning signs of depression and possible suicide include:

• Change in sleeping patterns

• Change in behavior

• Change in personality

• Change in eating habits

• Physical changes (lack of energy)

• A major loss or life change

• Decreased interest in friends, school or activities

• Low self-esteem

• No hope for the future

• Preoccupation with music, art and personal writing about death

• Giving away prized possessions

• Direct suicide threats or comments such as, “I wish I was dead!”

Protective Factors

Research has shown that the following protective factors have been identified to be related to positive outcomes in teenagers transition to high school:

• Participation in school-based or extra-curricular activities

• Perceived teacher responsiveness

• Describing schools to have fair discipline procedures

• Confidence in graduation

• Positive attitude toward learning and school climate

• Perception of teacher, peer, and family beliefs of the importance of education

Tips for Communicating Effectively with your Teen (APA, 2002):

• Engage teens with nonthreatening questions.  Ask your teen about topics they are interested in, not just topics that hope them accountable.  Choose only one or two questions at a given time.  Here are some examples:  Whom do you admire?  What is it about that person that makes them admirable?  What would you like to do in the future?
• Listen nonjudgmentally (and listen more than you speak). As adults we want to let the child know what they should be doing instead of listening to what they are doing.  Monitoring how much you interrupt your child while they are talking and ask relevant questions related to what they are telling you.  This allows the child to realize that you value his/her opinions and they will trust you more.
• Ask open ended questions.  Questions requiring more than a yes or no response helps the teenager process ideas and options.
• Avoid “why” questions.  These questions put people on the defensive.  Try to rephrase your questions.  Instead of saying, “Why did you say that?”  Say, “You seem to be really trying to get a point across.  Tell me more about what you mean.”
• Match the adolescent’s emotional state, unless it is hostile.  If your teenager is excited or sad, let your responses reflect their mood.  This makes them feel understood.
• Discuss ethical and moral problems that are in the news with your child.  Without challenging his or her view, wonder aloud about how others may think about this situation.
• Casually model rational decision-making strategies. Discuss a problem that you are having with your teenager and how you arrived at the solutions.  Keep in mind that teenagers have a limited attention span, so be brief.  You can also ask the adolescent to help you to generate solutions.  The following problem solving strategies help teenagers in decision-making strategies:
• Define the problem
• Generate possible solutions
• Anticipate positive and negative consequences
• Make the decision
• Evaluate the outcome

Tips for Supporting your Student in School:

• Know the principals and which principal will most likely be handling situations with your child.  Taking steps to initiate contact to introduce yourself to the school will assist in other situations that require you to contact the school.

• Know your child’s guidance counselor and make sure they know you and your student.  If you have concerns with your child, contact your guidance counselor to set up a parent-teacher conference.  In a large high school, it is important to make sure your child is connected to an adult in the building—a guidance counselor or well-liked teacher.

• Know your child’s schedule and teachers.  Communication between home and school regarding performance (both socially and academically) is related to better outcomes for students.

• Encourage your child to attend after school activities and extra-curricular activities.  Attend an athletic, music, drama, or academic event with your child.  Invite other students and parents to attend with you.  Feelings of connectedness with the school have been associated with successful outcomes.

•  Join or attend Parent-Teacher-Student Association (PTSA) meetings.  The PTSA distributes newsletters and information related to various interests supporting students.

• Attend a Site-Based Council Meeting.  Specific decisions related to how the school functions and operates are made at these meetings and parents, students, or faculty may attend.

• Help your child develop homework strategies, time management strategies, and organizational strategies.  These strategies need to be modeled and sometimes taught.  Do not assume that your child has these strategies mastered.  Discuss with your child study skills that worked best with you.

Dunbar High School Guidance Staff:

If you have questions or concerns regarding your child’s development related to physical, emotional, cognitive, or behavioral changes, contact Dunbar Guidance Office at 381-3554.  Guidance counselors, social workers, school nurses, and school psychologists are trained in these issues and have knowledge of community resources to help you find assistance both in school and in the community.

References:

American Psychological Association (2002).  Developing Adolescents.

Catterall, J. (1998). Risk and resilience in student transitions to high school.  American Journal of Education, 106, 302-333.

Hudley, C., Daoud, A., Hershberg, R., Wright-Castro, R., & Polanco, T. (2002). Factors supporting school engagement and achievement among adolescents. 

U.S. Department of Education (2002).  Helping Your Child through Early Adolescence.